I Stop Somewhere Waiting for You
by Trumpet-Geek
Summary: [misawa] series: I Sing Myself. drabble dump!
1. i

**I Stop Somewhere Waiting For You**

 _By_ : TG

 _Summary_ : Eijun is jealous.

 _Disclaimer_ : i dont own daiya ok

 _Warnings_ : none for this chapter

 _AN_ : this is a belated present for natsubutart! her birthday was back at the beginning of january and i sorta took my sweet time throwing this together ;a; sorry bby!

just letting you guys know up front that this will be updated irregularly aka whenever i feel like it! i have other major projects in the works, like pt four of this series (the _real_ pt four) and the second round of misawa big bang. but i am _tentatively_ taking requests, so check out the end notes for details!

* * *

 _Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, missing me one place search another,_ I stop somewhere waiting for you _._

-Walt Whitman

* * *

"How's he doing?"

"He's...doing all right."

"Okay, but how's he _really_ doing though?"

Chris-senpai gives him a smile, though there's more apology in the lines of his mouth than reassurance. He looks weighted down with the heavy burden of melancholy, and it makes Eijun shift anxiously in his seat, already upset at the prospect of lying.

"He'll be much better when you get here."

'Much better' implies that Kazuya isn't doing so well, and the anxiety that had been simmering in his gut suddenly feels like a churning ocean. He makes a noise in the back of his throat and puts his face in his hands. He feels awful, he is the worst person on the planet, he knows exactly how much he's hurting Kazuya with his silence. Chris had told him it's what's best, that it will only be a few days, that soon enough he'll be with Kazuya and the separation leading up to it will have been worthwhile.

Thing is, he wants to be with Kazuya _now_.

He wanted to be with Kazuya _months_ ago.

Doesn't Chris-senpai know that this is killing him?

Chris gives him another small, sad smile and Eijun thinks that yes, he probably does. He's always been an open book, readily accessible to anyone who wants to read him -no prying or translation needed. Feelings are untranslatable anyway, eclipsing tongue and inflection and driving at the very heart of people.

And Chris-senpai has always been able to see right through to the core of him.

He manages to hold it together, forces himself to pay attention to the things Chris-senpai tells him, things about international air travel, what kinds of clothes to pack for the mild LA winter. He forces himself to listen because this is important, because Chris-senpai has done so much for him and the least he deserves is Eijun's attention and respect. So he seals his mouth and dams the flood of feelings and prays the levees don't break until they've said their goodbyes.

(Chris casts one more sad, small smile and wishes Eijun a safe journey and it takes nearly everything Eijun has within him to not break down.)

The call ends but he waits, waits for his computer to fall asleep, warm and buzzing and empty. The call ends and the screen turns black and he hates himself, because as much as he relies on his feelings to pull him through life, he knows that sometimes - _sometimes_ \- he lets the negative ones take the lead, too.

The screen turns black and he sits with his elbows on his desk and his face in his hands and lets a little of the blackness inside him leak through like a controlled breach.

"I'm jealous," he croaks. He feels bad, really, but the words slip out without any sayso from his brain, and he can't take them back once they've left his tongue. "You get to see him everyday, play baseball with him, watch him grow. You get to eat meals with him and when you go to bed every night you know he's just one room over. I am so damn _jealous_ of you, Chris-senpai."

There's no one around right now, nothing except his own wet-eyed reflection in a blank, black screen.

Doesn't Chris-senpai know how lonely it is to see the person he's chosen to center his heart around through a tiny, gritty, grainy video feed a couple times a week? How much of him is filled up with the words 'i miss you'?

 _Doesn't Chris-senpai know that this is killing him?_

* * *

 _AN_ : im sorta taking requests for things you want to see written out in this universe, so if you want to request smth just hit me up on my writing blog trumpet-geek or my main kuramisawa and ill see what i can do (no promises tho)!

thanks for reading!


	2. ii

**I Stop Somewhere Waiting For You**

 _By_ : TG

 _Summary_ : Eijun reads shoujo.

 _Disclaimer_ : i dont own daiya ok

 _Warnings_ : none for this chapter

 _AN_ : this was written for two anons for a ficmeme i posted ages ago and also for the misawaday event on tumblr!

just letting you guys know up front that this will be updated irregularly aka whenever i feel like it! i have other major projects in the works, like pt four of this series (the _real_ pt four) and the second round of misawa big bang. but i am _tentatively_ taking requests, so check out the end notes for details!

* * *

 _Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, missing me one place search another,_ I stop somewhere waiting for you _._

-Walt Whitman

* * *

Eijun gets regular shipments of shoujo manga from various sources. As far as Kazuya can discern, they mostly come from his parents, though he's definitely glimpsed Kuramochi's and Kanemaru's names on a good number of them.

Sometimes it's difficult for him to tamp down on the jealousy that flares up each time the stack of manga in their room grows. He doesn't much like thinking about the stretch of time between goodbye and hello, about Eijun invariably moving filling his empty spaces with someone else's storyline. He doesn't like thinking about all of the things he didn't get to experience with his partner, like Eijun's first game as Seido's ace, or his last. He missed out on the myriad small, quiet moments that he was used to being part of before he upended his own life to chase his dreams.

Maybe jealousy isn't the right word to use. He doesn't _think_ he's jealous of Kanemaru or of Kuramochi, or of _any_ of his other former teammates, not really. Or maybe he is? He doesn't really know, which is par for the course when it comes to Sawamura Eijun. All he knows for sure is that he's grateful. Eijun isn't the best at dusting off and moving on after he takes a tumble, but his teammates never leave a man behind no matter how heavy his burden.

It had been hard at first, knowing he didn't have a golden-eyed ball of sunshine and determination at his back anymore, but then Eijun's breadth had always been so much bigger than just Kazuya.

So Kazuya is jealous and grateful; the jealousy he keeps to himself and the gratitude he expels out into the universe. The gratitude is what moves his fingers across starlit skin until Eijun squirms awake or kicks him out of bed; it's what quirks his lips at the sound of Eijun's half-decent shower singing and what motivates him to put up with all of the burnt omurice meals and the feeling of cold feet on his calves and the drool that stains his pillow.

Gratitude, and not a little bit of love, is what moves his feet over slapdash piles of manga when he hears his boyfriend crying in their room over his latest present from their former teammates.

Eijun is in his typical shoujo manga reading position, lying on his stomach on their bed with a blanket pulled up around his head and shoulders like a mourning veil. His forearms and the manga are the only things visible from the side, and Kazuya winces when he sees the title.

" _Koi Suru Sokuratesu_ , huh?" he says lightly. He's heard of this manga, knows it's a one-off and that it's sad and beautiful and tragic and probably _exactly_ the kind of thing that will break and mend Eijun's indefatigable heart.

(But it's Eijun's sweet vulnerability that makes him so strong.)

Eijun cuts a pathetic figure, and the tiny noises of distress coming from under the blanket tug at Kazuya's thawing heartstrings. He dents the mattress at Eijun's waist and rubs a soothing palm across his boyfriend's quivering, blanket-ensconced back. Eijun sniffs and scoots a few centimeters over -a silent plea for company that Kazuya can't ignore, not after months spent pining, not when he would have given _anything_ just to be on the same continent.

Eijun is pliant and warm so Kazuya makes short work of scooting him across the bed, and though he accidentally scoots Eijun right out from under the safety of his blanket, there is enough room at the end of it for him to crawl in, too. He lies on his back and closes his eyes, content to feel the long line of Eijun's body pressed warm and solid against his.

Kuramochi and Kanemaru might be the ones who were with Eijun when Kazuya couldn't be, but…

"Read it to me?" he murmurs. He feels one of Eijun shift, slender pitcher's fingers sliding in between his between them on the mattress. He squeezes, and gets a squeeze in return.

"When I met Aki… I missed a lot of chances to be with her, but, when I look back, it sees as though she was always beside me. It has taken me a long time to accept the reality that… My Aki died…"

* * *

 _AN_ : HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

the shoujo manga eijun is reading is called 'socrates in love' or 'crying out for love at the heart of the world' and its DEVASTATING. if you want to cry/die you can read it online!

request more drabbles in this 'verse over at trumpet-geek on tumblr!


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